Dear Gawker

The following exchange occurred this morning between my assistant, myself, and Gawker.

Did you see this-? I thought it was pretty funny until i saw this.
I think maybe I should go away for a while...

-t

Dear Gawker,

The apparent douche bag in 'I've Got Three Beers You Have Two I'm Here To Party, I Thought You Knew,' photograph from the Useless magazine party is not actually a hipster douche bag. In fact, he's my volunteer, unpaid assistant who routinely is forced to do things like entertain my friends when I abandon them for more important people and get me beers two at a time (I don't feel bad about that part, because they are free and I got him in). I also had been berating the photographer because he didn't seem to KNOW WHO THE FUCK I WAS!?! I know it's easy to mistake my assistant for a moronic hipster, but he works incredibly hard for nothing and despite the hat, beard, and skinny pants he really is an awesome person.

So, I feel that I have to stand up for my assistant, and say the only reason he was there was to make me feel self-important (I feel powerful introducing my assistant, like I'm Dan Colen or something), fetch me beers, light my cigarettes, and tell me that everything is going to be OK.

Damn you Gawker,

William Powhida

Ok, I didn't use your name or anything, but I tried...we'll see if they post the comment. I'll run it on my blog too. It's too good not to. You're going to be famous. Stick with me kid. We'll start a war if we have to. BTW, I love the hat, beard, and skinny pants.

Will Gawker run my comment? Who knows, but if they sent someone to photograph the Useless Magazine then they are at least complicit in the douche baggery.